Apple Consider Abu Dhabi for WWDC 2015

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A visibly angry Apple CEO has hinted that its Worldwide Developers Conference (WWDC) may have a seismic shift in location. Tim Cook, who has helmed the tech behemoth since Steve Jobs’ passing, had one hand half clenched – the angriest body language ever witnessed.

The focus of his fury is the perceived hijacking of the significant announcements on iOS 8 and OSX Yosemite, by the leak of 45 photos from the set of Star Wars Episode VII, currently shooting in Abu Dhabi.

“How vacuous has the world become, where announcements on technology that outpaces anything Star Wars lore has ever come up with, is overtaken by some bad quality photos taken on a non-iPhone,” Mr Cook fumed.

sw-7-14-480w“There’s not one Death Star in those damn pics, but we just announced stuff that will kill half the cloud services in the known universe. And nil reportage of a million voices crying out in terror.”

When prompted on what a popular culture icon the Star Wars franchise has become, Cook was dismissive.

“We’ll see how iconic they are after we hit Abu Dhabi with a full sci-fi themed WWDC next year. And if JJ Abrams thinks his free iCloud storage limit expansion is continuing, he’s in for a hell of a surprise.”

“Oh and one other thing: are they calling this movie Star Wars: Return to Shelbyville? If that’s not a half-built monorail in a bunch of those those pics, I’ll eat an Android phone.”

The Snark is The Creative Shed’s Satire News Section. 100% of it is satire and in no way resembles reality. Reality is way sillier than this stuff. Follow The Snark on Facebook and Twitter

Star Wars Episode VII Caterer Feeling The Pressure

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With shooting underway on Episode VII of the Star Wars franchise, the pressure has started to build on all involved. That pressure has already started to show for catering assistant Jeff Revan. A Star Wars fan of more than thirty years standing, Revan is not living the dream he’d envisioned as an employee of Lionel Savant Catering Services.

“Back in 2007 when I quit my job as a lawyer to get my catering qualification, it was part of my long-range plan to be involved in this movie.Who wouldn’t do that for the chance to be a part of history. What I didn’t realise was the direct impact I’d be having on the movie, and it’s scaring the hell out of me.”

Visibly shaken and emotional, Mr Revan outlined his first two weeks on set.

“The first couple of days it was great, seeing the smiles on the faces of production staff at the end of a nice lunch. Then one of the actors with a walk on line or two  made some off the cuff comment like ‘I hope those nachos are top notch Bill, my scene is shooting this afternoon’. It’s then I realised that if the nachos weren’t good, he may only give 95% in his performance and I’ll be responsible for it forever.”

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Never has one stir-fry counted for so much

Revan went on at extreme length outlining the depth to which the original three movies had been analysed over the decades, with PhD theses on topics as varied as ‘The Epistemology of Bespin Political Oligarchy in The Empire Strikes Back’ and ‘Stormtroopers and Ewoks: Comic Relief or Fundamental Pedagogical Construct?’.

“My biggest fear is that I have one of the central characters come in for lunch when I’m serving. One less-than-stellar quinoa stroganoff supplied to Harrison or Carrie, and I spend the rest of my life seeing my work excoriated online. The caterers who worked on The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith have never worked in the industry again.”

When asked if he’d considered leaving the caterer, Revan’s answer was immediate.

“It’s too late for that. I spent the last year building up a Facebook page and Twitter profile as Sith Chef of Death Jeff. I’ve just got to make sure I do the best I can with the food. If someone gets food poisoning I just hope it’s one of the Gungans from the scenes they’re shooting next week.”

The Snark is The Creative Shed’s Satire News Section. 100% of it is satire and in no way resembles reality. Reality is way sillier than this stuff. Follow The Snark on Facebook and Twitter

Ten funny Star Wars videos

It’s time for another one of our regular humor posts. This time I thought I’d go in deep and pick the ten best videos that parody Star Wars. Obviously it’s objective and feel free to add your own picks in the comments. In the meantime, enjoy:

1. Injured Stormtrooper

2. Star Wars Help Desk

3. Lego Star Wars – The New Guy

4. Never Call Me At Work

5. Chad Vader : Day Shift Manager – A Galaxy Not So Far Away

(If you haven’t watched Chad Vader before, you haven’t lived. Check out all the episodes)

6. Star Wars Episode 3: A Lost Hope

7. Grocery Store Wars

8. Empire State of Mind

9. Interrogation Droid

10. Star Wars: The Empire Brokeback

Dr Seuss Meets Star Wars

For a Gen X-er it doesn’t get much better than this. Cartoonist Adam Watson has created a handful of brilliant drawings that interpret scenes from the original three Star Wars movies. To say he’s nailed the Dr Seuss style is an understatement. Am I the only one that’d buy a book that had the three movies done end-to-end in this style? One example:

View the whole lot for yourself over at Adam’s site.

Largest Star Wars model ever?

As a child who spent hundreds of hours playing with Star Wars figures, I still get a little excited when I see them in shops.

In the lead up to Christmas, you can now buy what I believe is one of the largest Star Wars models ever. Straight out of The Empire Strikes Back, the 2-foot high AT-AT holds up to 20 Star Wars figures. What’s not to like?

via [Geek Alerts]

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